Penance: Chapter 5 - Remorse

Koroto had wept for of an hour, blubbing. But Devilstep did not look down on him for it, he remembered himself how raw and painful it felt to mourn for his own mate Bor’la. The loss of a much loved child could only feel worse, hurting much deeper.

What can you do?

He had returned to his original place, sitting on that small boulder opposite the other Blademaster. Koroto sat hunched forward on his furs. They had not spoken a word since he had lost control of his grieving emotions, and Devilstep was quite content with the silence.

”How do you do it? Came that hoarse voice at last, his brown eyes fixing a gaze upon him. Blood shot and tired, he was exhausted, mentally and spiritually. Devilstep could only look at him quizzically in response.

How?

”How do you keep going after all you’ve seen? All you’ve had to do?” pushed Koroto, making sure he was clear on what he was asking.

How does anyone...

”I don’t know... old friend... I...” He paused, collecting his thoughts before he continued. ”...I remember what I fight for, what I’m working toward. And that by doing it, others, many others, don’t suffer in my place... that is what keeps me going...” He finished, knowing it to be true, but he felt a pang of uncertainty all the same.

Even after the spirit of my beloved spoke to me, that twang of uncertain fear lingers... in the background.

Koroto wiped his large hand across his face, his eyes moving left and right as if deep with thought. It was only now that Devilstep realised that he wasn’t alone in his uncertainty, there are others who have fallen to the same depths in the name of something greater... and not come away unscathed.

...The world is cruel.

”Does it get easier?” Koroto spoke again, hushed but pressing for more.

Never...

”I had hoped, but it doesn’t. Like scars cutting deep on the soul, whiskey won’t help either...” He answered, flatly and with as little emotion as he could. He wasn’t used to sharing his thoughts like this.

Koroto snorted, a stifled laugh of contempt to the idea. He had always liked his drink, only natural he would seek solace at the bottom of a mug.

”What can we do then, eh Render? What can we do?” came the question with a hint of humour, but those pleading eyes begged for illumination.

Only one thing...

”The same we always have, Koroto, we press on and weather the worst...”