Roéd Stonepaw.

Roéd Stonepaw.

”Oh! Oooh! I am so bored. Pull my tail boss.” Daggup waved his tail at Ro but the elf shook his head without so much as a glance in the imp’s direction. He continued staring into the sea where his bobber rested on the calm waves. The wind plucked at him from all sides but he didn’t mind. He was too happy to care.
“Roéd Stonepaw..” He said in amazement and Daggup made a funny noise that made the elf chuckle.
“Will you stop that! You’re saying it in your sleep, and while you eat.. You even yelled it at that human fellow yesterday! It’s driving me mad!” The imp pulled at his ears and sounded as if he was about to cry. There was a thump.
“S-saying what?” Roéd scratched his head and peered at the imp. Dag was lying belly down in the red dirt. He rolled over on his back to glare at the elf.
“I’m the boss.” Roéd warned him and wagged a finger at him.
“I know you’re the boss, boss. But you’re still driving me crazy. I am already sick of those idiot friends of yours. Uuurgh.. Those idiots!” the imp flailed his arms around. Perhaps he really had gone crazy. But being crazy was no excuse for saying rude things about Roéd’s friends.
“Be nice.” The elf said and turned back to stare at the bobber. Fisherman Pinback was back. The elf grinned and wiggled happily where he sat. Fisherman Pinback had come back and he had said Ro was part of the reason for it. He was going to teach Ro more about fishing. The elf narrowed his eyes and leaned forward. He would catch a nice fish and impress Master Pinback. No fish would escape. No sir! He sat like that, poised and ready for about an hour. Then he leaned back against the palm tree and sighed.
“Roéd St-stonepaw.. Chief scribe of the circle!”
“Aaaaarrrh! Kill me now!” Shrieked the imp and clawed at the ground.

Throm'ka little brother!

Pandaroéd

Ants

Roéd nudged a suspicious looking rock with his foot. It moved slightly then rocked back into place. He glanced around to make sure there was no one around before hunkering down to push the rock over. It wasn’t so heavy, but it was shaped almost like a tooth, its roots needling it to the ground. Roéd made a little grunt of effort as he tugged and pushed, then exclaimed in delight at the sight that met him when the rock finally gave in. Thousands of ants milled hither and dither, crawling on top of each other and waving at one another with their antennas, a living carpet of brown little creatures. He hunkered there and put his hands on his knees to smile at the spectacle he had created.
“Hih..” He moved an inch backwards as the ants came closer.
When he had been little his father had said it was impossible to count ants in an ant hive, so of course he had often tried to count them. He was sure it was possible, if the ants would cooperate. But they never did. They all milled about as if they were all in a hurry but none of them remembered where they were going. Perhaps ants disliked being counted.
One day he had brought a large jar on an ant-counting expedition. His plan had been to put the ants he had counted in the jar so he wouldn’t count them twice. It had not gone the way he had imagined, ants were even less fond of jars than they were of being counted.
An odd sound called Roéd back to what he was doing. He peered around after the source of the sound and finally saw a large grasshopper standing on the rock.
“Hih..” he straightened his glasses, still smiling gleefully. He couldn’t quite decide whether to watch the grasshopper or the ants. Daggup would have loved this. But he always stomped the insects while pretending to be a giant, so Ro was glad the imp was with Bruno.
The ants were searching for him. They were not very good at finding things. How they could miss him was a mystery to him. He was large as a mountain compared to them, and right in front of them.
“Ehehe..” He had to move another inch back, the ants were widening the parameters of their search. One ant climbed onto a stick that poked up from the ground and seemed to be looking right at him. It waved it’s little antennas at him. Roéd looked over his shoulder but saw no one else. He waved back at the ant uncertainly.
“Ow..” Ro looked down at his foot to see an ant pinching him. Sandals were not the best defence against ants. He put his weight on his other leg and tried to shake the ant off.
“Ow.. Ow.” now two of them were pinching his other foot. Roéd pushed himself to his feet and shook his feet.
Shake as he might, the ants would not let go. He bent down to brush them off. They were crawling up his legs and robes.
“No.. No!” The elf flailed his limbs around and stumbled wildly backwards. His foot caught in a root and he fell. He just had time to see he had been crouching directly on top of another part of the ant hive before scrambling back to his feet. He ran back the way he had come, to where Bruno and Dag were waiting.
“Aahaha! Puny weaklings! Feel the wrath of the mighty Daggup!” Dag stomped around on the ground while making his voice big and booming. The ants were everywhere! Roéd brushed several of them off himself as he hurried towards his companions.
“B-burn them!” The elf commanded as he wiggled out of his robes.
“Burn them? Little boss, that is a magnificent idea!” Daggup cackled and set to work at once.
“Fear me midgets! For I am the giant fire-demon Daggup! All must obey me or fry!” the imp hurled a fireball at a group of ants. Roèd brushed away the ants clinging to his skin then ruffled his hair frantically hoping to get the ones hiding in it out.
“None can escape my wrath!” Daggup roared and hurled another fireball at Roéd’s robes.
“No!” Roéd forgot all about the ants and went to his knees to slap at the burning robes.
“Oh no.. oh no.” he whimpered sadly as he slapped the flames to smother them.
He had banked the fire out, but he robes were ruined, the ones his uncle had bought him several years ago when he had first started adventuring. They had been made especially for traveling and adventure. They could be warm when it was cold and cold when it was warm. There were pockets for everything, even one that big enough for a small book. The sleeves had been roomy enough that he could store a sandwich in each for easy access. But now it was ruined. Daggup continued hurling his fireballs at anything and everything while Bruno simply stood there, chewing something, completely uninterested in the chaos that took place around him.
Roéd was dazed. He had lost another one of the nicest things he had. Why was he losing everything all the time?
He must have made a strange sight, sitting there in nothing but his sleeveless shirt and long underpants. His carrot coloured hair poking out in every direction and the crazy glasses Elstrazil had given him so long ago hanging on the tip of his nose. He sat there for a while until the imp padded over and put a clawed hand on his bony shoulder.
“At least we got the ants, boss. At least we got the ants.”
“I don’t like it h-here.” Roéd declared and got to his feet. He picked the burnt robes up and struggled to get them back on. His arms and ears found too many holes to poke through.
“I don’t like it here either, little boss. I love it! Just think of all those freaks we’ve met so far!”
“That’s not ni-nice, Daggup..” Roéd finally managed to find what went where. He straightened the robes and looked down himself. The robes were singed in some places and full of holes. A small part of him had hoped he would be able to mend them. Those hopes were quickly quenched. He looked at Daggup sadly.
“Well you’ve seen them.” The imp said defensively. “You know I’m right. How can you not like this place? There are huge furry twats, fishy idiots, people to set fire to and lots of food you said was tasty. What’s not to like?”
“Th-the ants… And I saw a monkey.”
“Will you stop with the monkeys!? There was no monkey!” Daggup grabbed hold of Roéd’s robes, climbed up them and into his arms. Roéd lifted the imp up on Bruno’s back. Then when the camel didn’t kneel to let him mount up, he scrambled and fumbled and hopped until, finally, he managed to heave himself up.
“What’s so bad about monkeys anyway?”

Rocket Ro, Roll’n Rock

Daggup was content. Today they had visited a town full of stupid freaks with stupid hats and even stupider ideas. Never before had it been this easy to find something to ridicule. It was as if fate had brought them here, to reward him for some great deed, as it so often did for the heroes in Roéd’s books.
The elf had not been able to stop talking about the monkeys he was so certain were sneaking around in the trees, not until he saw one of the pandaren was sporting a red, soft and very fluffy tail. Dag was still surprised the little elf had not run over and attempted to steal it, instead the elf had gaped and watched the tail, unblinking, unmoving and without speaking.
After that the elf would not shut up about how nice the tail was and that it was almost the same colour as his hair. He had asked Dag a dozen questions about the pandaren. The imp answered each with some lie or another. They had been walking through the jungle when the elf had started on his third tirade of questions.
“Do you th-think they would let me p-pat their tails?” Roéd was walking beside Bruno, darting of every now and then to inspect this and that.
“Probably. But only if you screamed very loud at them first.”
“Screamed at them?” Roéd looked sceptical.
“Yes, of course. You shout; “I am Roéd! I will pat your tail!” then they will let you pat their tail. But only if you can catch them.” Daggup sat on the camel’s back, scratching his belly and cleaning his navel.
“Oh.. I see. It’s like wh-when you meet someone new? You should sh-shake their hand firmly so they will kn-know you’re a gentleman?”
“Uuuh.. Yeah, boss, like that.”
“Do pandaren h-hibernate?”
“No no. But they only sleep once a week. And when they do they climb up a tree and hang from branches by their feet. They only wake up if they fall down.” At that the elf had looked up into the trees. Daggup had smirked. A sound made him look up from his navel. A pandaren with several large barrels was making her way down from a hut to a cart already laden with barrels. Roéd saw her too, and her red fluffy tail.
“I am Roéd! A-and I will pat your tail!” the elf bellowed. He threw everything he was carrying to the ground, pressed his beloved Grim-hat down on his head with both hands and launched himself forward with all the speed he could muster. His stalk-ears were flopping like men caught in death spasms as he went.
The pandaren turned to look over her shoulder with a horrified expression, saw the crazy redheaded elf, screamed and waddled faster. She stumbled in her own feet so that barrels and pandaren all went tumbling down a steep slope.
The pandaren managed to stop abruptly by planting her face in a large rock at the bottom of the slope. One barrel tumbled into the jungle while the other jumped a few times before it leaped of a small cliff and burst at the bottom. Roéd, who had stopped to watch the incident in horrified wonder, shouted; “Bear lady!” and bolted towards the edge then slid down the slope to check on her. Daggup, on his part, laughed so hard he couldn’t even make a sound. He nearly toppled from the camel’s back in his enjoyment of the situation.
Roéd circled the bear several times, leaning in ever so often to get a closer look but not daring to touch the unmoving creature.
Dag slipped down from Bruno and slowly made his way towards the elf. He had to stop now and then to let out a roar of laughter. These bears were so thrillingly imbecilic! By the time Daggup got there Roéd had dared to poke the pandarens ear and quickly retreat with a nervous “HIH!” when her ear twitched.
“Oh. That was fantastic! I hope to fel I get to see that again.” Daggup sighed happily, pattered over to the unconscious pandaren and hugged it.
“I love you.” He sniffled. The elf sat down beside him and patted the creature.
“Nice b-bear-lady.” he said softly. Daggup straightened up and smiled at his boss.
“Nice bear-lady indeed.” In truth Dag thought “absurd” would be a more fitting description of the “bear lady”, but it was awfully nice of the hairy twat to be this ridiculous. He sniffled then climbed into the elf’s lap to lean his back against his chest and relax. He closed his eyes and relived the whole fabulous scene is his head.
“Why are you l-laughing?” Roéd asked. The redhead’s unbound hair poured forward to tickle Dag’s nose. He opened one eye in annoyance and pushed at the hair to no avail, it kept falling back to tickle his nose. He sneezed loudly.
“Hih!” was Roéd’s only respons. Daggup growled in annoyance.
“I think I may be allergic to annoying things, little boss.” Dag grumbled and took hold of the elf’s hair with both hands to keep it out of his face then closed his eyes again.
“Have I c-caught her?”
“She’s unconscious. You should wait for her to wake and ask.” So the elf sat still, watching the pandarens stupid face, then her tail, then her face and her tail again. They sat like that for a while until Roéd stirred and made an angry little sound.
“There is a monkey…” Roéd whispered urgently. Then, when Daggup did not reply he shouted. “There is a monkey! Daggup!”
“Uuurrrhh.. So allergic..” Daggup muttered as the elf leaned forward to point. Dag was squished. He opened his eyes and pushed at the elf until he sat up straight. He looked to where his boss was pointing and, sure enough, there was a monkey there.
“Really boss.. You see a clothed giant bear with a hat.. and you don’t react until it’s got a tail. But monkeys make you flip? It’s those ridiculous bear-putzes you should be pointing at! Have you seen their backsides? They’re freakishly large.” But the redheaded elf heard nothing. He was fully engaged in scowling at the monkey and the monkey was staring right back, while eating some sort of juicy fruit.
“It’s eating!” Observed the elf. He sounded surprized and almost a little offended. As if by eating the monkey was performing some rude act.
“Your assessment of the situation is precise as always, boss. “ The monkey picked up another fruit before he was finished with the first, Roéd gasped and pointed even harder. The two never took their eyes off one another.
“He reminds me of Bruno. Seems to like chewing.”
“Dag! Bruno is not a m-monkey.” The staring went on.
“Boss! Snapp out of it!” The elf finally settled again but his eyes remained glued to the monkey. Daggup looked from monkey to elf as they watched one another. This went on for several minutes until Roéd waved at the monkey. The monkey suddenly stopped chewing, made his eyes large and looked from side to side before slowly creeping sideways into the jungle while watching the waving elf.
“That was not v-very nice!” said the elf after a while. “Monkeys are very rude.”
Daggup was uncertain what to say to that, so he said nothing, and then the huge, furry, be-tailed clutz groaned and started to move.

An old one about Ro before he left Silvermoon.

The fountain clucked peacefully and the wind rustled the golden leaves of the trees. It soothed Roéd’s nerves. The redheaded elf sat in the Royal Exchange with his back against a tree and his nose in a book. He was reading one of Mojaki’s books about the human heroine Alu Lurum. In this particular book Alu Lurum encountered the magic of a jealous gnome. The gnome hated the beauty of Azeroth’s other races. He had bewitched a mirror and stored his soul in it, while leaving his own body to rot. In the mirror he waited until, one day, a beautiful troll found it. The jealous gnome whispered silently at her, cooing and wooing. Soon she could think of nothing but her own reflection. Slowly her soul was sucked into the mirror, and the gnome seeped into her body. When the gnome tired of this body, he simply left it to go back into the mirror and wait. And this went on for years upon years until Alu Lurum picked the mirror up and saw it for what it was. The human woman called the gnome, and all the trapped souls out of the mirror. The trapped souls thanked her and promised they would always remember her. But the gnome cursed and spat like an angry snake. Alu Lurum defeated the jealous gnome and destroyed the witching mirror. Roéd knew all this because he had read the book many times before.
The sudden sound of shoes hitting the paved ground startled him. Roéd barely managed to cover his mouth to keep from squeaking in surprise. He looked up to find Illeya smirking at him. Ro pushed his glasses higher on his nose and sent her an unwelcoming glare before looking back into his book. His heart hammered in his chest, and his breath was shaky but he would not let her know how startled he had been.
The tall brunette was a favorite of the Warlock masters. She succeeded at every test. Her demons respected and even feared her. Roéd unwillingly let out a small growl of irritation as the thought of how his own imp treated him crept into his mind. Illeya loved watching him fail and stumble at his tasks. Where the other students shunned or ignored him, she saw fit to point out any little mistake he made. Her favorite activity seemed to be reminding him of what a disappointment he must be to his father. She would eat her words one day. Roéd would become a great warlock! A hero as glorious as Alu Lurum! Illeya would cry herself to sleep when he publicly humiliated her with some witty remark about her and her pride-stuffed head. And he would do it, he wasn’t sure what he was going to say but he was certain he would think f something.
“You’re reading again?” Illeya asked and crouched down beside him. “I do hope this is a book of spells. Or perhaps you are finally reading a book on how to master your demons? After the disaster you created yesterday it would only be fitting.” Ro refused to reply. He would not give her the satisfaction of hearing him defend his pride with halting words. His stutter had only become worse the last couple of years. He preferred not to talk at all. It seemed to annoy those it did not amuse. Besides, he hadn’t attempted to speak since his lip had been split open yesterday.

Daggup had gotten him into trouble with one of the Warlock masters again. The imp had pestered the master with millions of questions. Roéd had discretely tried to pull the imp away but Daggup had grabbed a handful of the master’s robe and clung to it. This had infuriated the master’s succubus and the two demons had gotten into a fight. Roéd had, in an attempt to calm them down, and stepped closer to the two while waving his arms to distract them. The succubus had not seen his approach. She cracked her whip and it caught his lip. Roéd sank to the floor clamping his hands over his mouth. He bled like a pig. Daggup scurried across the floor to get to him. The imp left several scratch-marks on his hands in its attempt to make him remove his hands.
“Let me see! Move your hands fool! What happened? Where are you hurt?” He babbled in its high-pitched voice. Ro managed to get to his feet and strode out of the room before the warlock master could stop laughing and punish him. Daggup nattered and tugged at his robe all the way to his courters. Roéd closed the door behind himself and found the mirror he kept in his drawer. He nearly fainted at the sight of his lower lip; it was literally split in two! As if being called four-eyes wasn’t bad enough. No w he had three lips too. And who had ever heard of a hero with poor sight? Ro hurried out of his room and quickly found Erian’s door. He mustered his courage. Still clamping a hand over his mouth he knocked.
“Who is it?” called a voice from inside. Before Roéd could answer the door swung open and Erian filled the doorframe. A strange grin faded from his face and quickly turned into something that reminded Roéd of a frown. It was probably just his paranoia kicking in. Erian was his friend. He wouldn’t be angry that he came knocking.
“Oh it’s you… Again…” Roéd showed him his lip and managed to squeak a:
“Help?” before the other elf pulled him into the room. He nearly squished Daggup with the door.
“You’re as clumsy as a drunken rat, Carrot. What did you do this time? No don’t try to talk. I’ll probably hear all about it soon enough. I’m not a healer you know? You’d be smarter to go see a priest. Or do you think they’re all trying to kill you too, huh?” Erian pointed at a chair and Roéd sat down. He wanted to tell Erian he did not think the priests were trying to kill him. He was certain they would try to enter his mind and find all his secrets. Well if they could, why wouldn’t they? And while they were at it they might just as well make him cluck like a chicken or dance like an ape! No thank you! This was one warlock they wouldn’t get their grubby little hands on. No sir!
“I know you think we’re best friends and all that Ro. But you can’t come knocking on my door every four minutes.” Erian babbled while he found needle and thread. Roéd wondered if the friendship charms had been too much. He had seen others who gave their friends charms. Roéd wore his around his neck. Erian said he was afraid to lose his so he kept it in a safe place. Maybe Erian wanted a little time to himself? But didn’t best friends hang out all the time? And why would he want to be all by himself? Roéd shrugged it off as one of Erian’s oddities and let his eyes wander about the room.
“The next time you decide to smack your face in a door I won’t be patching it back up.” Erian informed him and gave him a wet rag. “Get the blood off your hands and face.” Roéd did as he was which only made his wound bleed more. Erian frowned and knelt down to peer at Roéd’s lip.
“Want some Bloodthistle?” He asked suddenly and put a leaf of it to his own tongue. Roéd shook his head. The idea of consuming anything was rather daunting.
“All right… Sit still and try not to breathe in my face. I can smell you’ve been eating those weird fruits again. I’m convinced they’re what making you so cheerful.” Roéd couldn’t keep from letting out a high-pitched “HIH!” at that. Erian was an odd one. That much was certain. The whole deal was over in less than twenty minutes. Before Roéd could thank his friend, there was another knock on the door. The door swung open and there stood Erian’s warlock mistress. Roéd gaped and stared at her. Whatever she was wearing, it was certainly not appropriate for teaching! She wore a dress of seashell-pink silk. Her feet were bare and she wore no jewelry. Her dark hair flowed like a river over one of her shoulders, and her lips were painted red as blood.
“Time to go, Carrot! You’ll keep this to yourself huh? A secret between best friends?” Erian said as he propelled Roéd towards the door. Ro nodded but couldn’t take his eyes of the woman. He had never seen anything that beautiful. She slipped past him as he was pushed out into the hall. He was still waving goodbye when the door was slammed shut. Roéd stood in the empty hall blinking at the door for a moment. He had forgotten all about Daggup until he heard the imps little fists slamming at the door and his shrill voice screaming.
“Roooooo! Roooooooo! Rooooooo! Hey you two! Get a room!” The door opened a crack and the imp hurried out. Erian smirked at him through the crack. His lips were now blood-red. Erian winked at him and laughed when Roéd’s eyes widened in disbelief. Daggup started his climb up Roéd’s robes and the redhead absently made his arms into a seat for the imp.
“Bye, Carrot.” Erian said and closed the door. There was no way this was allowed! Roéd turned on his heels and hurried down the hall. Perhaps there was a logical explanation for this. The mistress could have come here for medical reasons. Everyone knew Erian’s mother had been a healer and that he had been her apprentice until she died. Roéd wasn’t the only one who came to him when hurt. But that didn’t explain how her lipstick had been smeared all over Erian’s face. Roéd’s checks burned and he tried not to think of what was going on in his friend’s room.

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