[Story] Memories of the past

((Written a bit hastily. I was in a hurry))

Pierre lit up a candle and set ablaze a baton of inscense. He positioned himself in a great myriad of sumbols on his room floor. The small table bearing the candle and inscense stood before him as if overlooking the ritual. He clapsed his hands together and took a deep breath. He whispered to himself.

Love is meant to be Light's greatest blessing, destined to bring the greatest unity of two beings. But for that unity to work, one must bring together mind and heart. For if they are not aligned, all else will crumble and falter.

He exhaled till he could feel his lungs burn from the lack of air. Then he closed his eyes and breathed in the inscense, letting it fill his lungs and eventually his mind. It brought him a calm mood. He'd need it.

Almost have I let my heart overtake me, and let it rule my mind. It has revealed my heart is broken. It has revaled I choose not to heal when I was hurt.

He exhaled again and till his lungs burned. The burning sensation felt more distant this time. He inhaled the inscense again.

To mend the heart that is broken, I must return to the time I refused to reflect on for so long. It is you I will seek Adabella, once more. It may prove more than I can bear. Please be with me.

He exhaled again. He could barely feel the burning sensation. His world was darkening slowly. When all but the candle had been covered in the creeping shadow, he inhaled the inscense deeply. He could see the inscense smoke flow in the candle light. It was full of color, carrying images with it. It grew and engulfed him till all he could see was a bitter moment in his short history.


----

The wooden floor creaked under Pierre's light weight, a mark of its decaying condition. Pierre walked with pain, his entire body marked in bloody wounds and bandages. A sign of the pestilence getting the upper hand. Adabella Nightshade stood before him, amidst a myriad of runes, a silver dagger in her hand.

His conscious was different this time.
'Yes', he thought, 'it is me... not my old me... reliving this. I can control this. I can change this.'
The runes made sense to him now. Their meaning was crystal clear to him. He wanted to shout out her name and leave this place with him. But like a predetermined fact, all that left his mouth were his words of old.

"Sister, What is the meaning of this?"

'What? No! I wanted to say Adabella! I can control this!' he shouted angry in his mind. Like a puppet in a scene he couldn't control, the memory continued.

- "No no!", she shouted. She dropped a book and grabbed another one. "Right, this one." She turned to Pierre with a grim smile. "I found a solution, Jean." She took position in the middle of markings and placed a thin vial, like a necklace in front of her.

'Oh Adabella, no.. not again!'. But he was powerless to change anything.

- "What would be the ultimate good, or altruistic action that one can do?" she continued.

'It matters not! Come with me Adabella. I love you. Now! Say it Pierre!', he shouted to himself, but only his muttering came out.

"Ehm... I... eh..".
- "Sacrifice, Jean. Sacrifice. This will save you."
"But Sister!"

In silence he cursed his own cowardice. After all they had gone through he still couldn't call her with the name he silently worshiped.

"This is not the way.. There has to be some other way.."

She shook her head and looked at him, the subtle question finally revealing itself in her eyes.
- "You will save many people Jean. You must, it is what you are. I l-.." but she stopped the word.

'I love you too!' he cried. He could feel his tears running down his cheek, yet they weren't visible in the memory. He wanted to shout out. He tried to burst out of this memory's boundaries and reach out for her. But the paralyzed stare he gave her had left their hearts unspoken once more.

She corrected herself.
- "You will do great things. You must, it is what you are."
She gave him a final tender stare.

He tried to move himself in his memory. He bent all of his mind to it. Slowly he began to move, but this was not by his own will. This was exactly as it had been in the memory.
'No!', Pierre cried out.

He was too late. With an ornate dagger she stabbed herself, falling forwards in Pierre's arms.
"Oh dear.. Adabella."

Finally the tears in his memory reflected his own.

A glowing mist rose from her and took shape. For the briefest of moments, it took her shape. She seemed at peace, both happy and sad but determined... released from any doubt and fatigue.
- "It's alright, Jean.. I love you."
"I love you too, Adabella."

In defeat, he let himself fall on his back in his room. He was no longer trapped in the body of his memory. He could see his self from the memory kneel only inches before him.
His real self formed new tears to counter the sting of the incense on his bloodshot burning eyes. In a moment she would be gone, and this memory too. He glanced down to her one last time. But his old self was gone.

----

Adabella's spirit stood there patiently, a tender look in her eyes. She approached Jean, the real Jean, till she hovered above him. He stared at her in amazement. Everything seemed dark in the room, even the candle. All there was to see was her. She placed a hand against his cheek.

- "It's alright Jean.. I love you.", she spoke with a warm but ghostly voice. The words burned in his heart and only exposed his sorrow.
"I'm sorry Adabella.. I did not have the courage to confront myself with my love for you."
- "It's alright Jean.. You will save many people Jean. You must, it is what you are. "
"I've given it all I could. I've battled.. I tried. I fought so hard.. I'm tired. Will you not let me save just you instead? Will you not release me from this task you gave me?"
She smiled softly at him and gave him a kiss. It felt like the only kiss they ever shared.. It felt real. For a brief moment he felt relieved of all his worries and pain. For a brief moment, he felt his heart jump and his mind burst with joy. He held his breath, as if somehow it could slow time. Then the kiss was over and the darkness of the world returned. He could feel his lungs burn with the desire for air. The incense was fading. He inhaled deeply.
- "No" she whispered in his ear and faded before his eyes.

That nearly brought a tear to my eye ;_; more please?

^^

Edit: Wow, I really didn't think I'd see her name rise again. Thank you for that story. Amazing.

Isabis D'nuoh wrote:Edit: Wow, I really didn't think I'd see her name rise again.

Ahh, yes... Adabella made quite a story in the brief time we roleplayed together. Some of his prayers and a song are dedicated to her, or to what she told him to do. It actually was a turning point for JP.

Part 2 - The chains of love.

Pierre sat down in his room and lit a stick of insence with one of the candles.

The pain of his previous rituals still echoed in his heart but his mind told him he had no choice but continue. Every night he subjected himself to the emotional torture, longing only for that brief moment where she'd kiss him. But the recollection of her death proved too difficult to bear and made the kiss taste ever more bitter. The incense started smoking but Pierre refused to breathe deeply.

His mind and heart had turned against eachother, fighting a silent battle, both fighting to survive. His heart couldn't bear the pain. His mind needed to be freed from the troubles in his heart. But the pain of loss weighed heavier than the pain of disappointment in himself. Pierre could feel a void in his chest expand like a creeping darkness that bereft him of all air. Tears started rolling over his cheek.

Slowly the incense engulfed him, hanging calmly around him as if it were waiting in patience for Pierre to start. But he wouldn't breathe it in.
The void slowly expanded in his chest, beginning to pain him and freeze his lungs. The scented air in the room felt warm on his lips and nose, but he refused the refuge it offered from the pain in his chest.

He could feel his heart beating in his neck, in protest but the fear of the memory that would be recalled kept him in deadlock. Pierre bit his lip, feeling the world darkening around him, knowing it wasn't his ritual's work but the lack of air in body. His mind was strong enough to block his breathing but not enough to conquer his heart. On the virge of the final battle between his grief and his salvation, his heart began to falter.

A soft whisper spoke in his ear, the voice all too familiar, its breath warm and comforting. He couldn't see her, but felt her presence around him as if she craddled him in her arms.
- "It's alright Jean.."
I'm failing you, Adabella. I can not bear this.
- "You must, it is what you are."
I love you Adabella.. but I'm sorry.
- "Jean... I l-" but the voice stopped.
Adabella? The whispering voice remained silent.
No Adabella! Say it! Don't leave me. He could hear a muffled whisper, held back by the void that was spreading over his body. His ears were turning deaf, his body turning limp and his longs burned.

In panic, he tried force his ears to hear her final words but they wouldn't respond. He reluctantly underwent his salvation and breathed the air his body longed for. The smoke jumped into his lungs like water trying to drown its victim remorselessly. Pierre could feel the incense working on him. His body started to relive, but felt distant. His heart began to cry, in fear for what would come. Dazed by emotions and the inscense, Pierre took another breath, reluctantly continuing his ritual.

His eyes closed and reopened in a different time and place. He stood alone in a dark shed with a creaky wooden floor. Strange runes and symbols were drawn on the floor, yet they looked familiar. Adabella lay on the floor, silent, cold.. dead.
He fell on his knees before her and cried softly.
"Why am I left to bear this burden without you?"
- "You must, it is what you are." Her silken voice whispered in his ear again. He could feel her presence behind him.
Pierre closed his eyes and let himself fall back. She caught him and craddled him in her arms again. Her right hand tenderly caressed his cheek and dried his tears.
"I love you Adabella."
- "It's alright Jean, I love you."
"I can not let go of this burden without loosing you, but I can not bear this burden without you by my side."
Her hand caressed his cheek again. She remained silent for a brief time. This memory would never be able to conjure words she never spoke to him. He weeped, mixed between wanting to be comforted further and feeling cursed that he'd be stuck to the boundaries of this dark memory.

She stirred. She leant forward and turned his head, giving him a kiss. Pierre could feel his pain and sorrows disappear, and life in his heart and soul return with the strength and joy he knew before giving in to this darkness. Despite the overwhelming sensation of joy, he slowly felt an awareness dawn in him, like she had imprinted it in his mind. It contained words from different books he read in the library long before he had known Adabella, long before he had witnessed any of this. But it never built to a single sentence. Instead it formed into a thought and a feeling, as if her kiss was building her answer in his mind. With a sense of regret he felt the awareness complete, which preluded the end of their kiss.

She began to fade and whispered one last time,
- "It's alright Jean, I love you."
Then she was gone. Pierre turned around in hope to see a last glimpse but all he found was his room. He cried inside as his mind foretold him he should never seek her out in such a ritual again. She had told him all he needed to know but he would need time to let it sink in.

His eyes glanced at the quill on his scription table.
It's what I am..
He would be what he was. He would be a scribe that night and write down the words that formed in his mind for as long as the thought was fresh in his mind. He grabbed a quill, dipped it in the ink, and started scribbling. His tears dripped freely on his paper but he didn't mind. Tonight, his mind and heart would fight their battle through his quill. It would produce a long lost message. A message he had lost as well.
It may save a lot of people.

Pierre placed a letter on the table and walked to his shed. This note to Doctor Gahalla reported the results of his treatments. It was also a discrete plead for help. The results made clear there were one or two missing herbs... But more than herbs would be required and this implied he'd soon reach the limit of his knowledge and his contribution in finding a cure.

He looked at his hands. They were clean, without a trace of ink, a merit of his meticulous working practices whenever he wielded the quill. Despite their clean condition, they felt stained... stained with cramps of hard work. His hands had seen much this day: alchemy, battle, surgery... It seemed only the force of exhaustion could drive him to a brief repose of the daily battle.

Pierre entered his shed and sat down in the corner. He owed himself a session of meditation: a brief moment to himself to keep his head clear amidst this chaos, a moment to handle his own conflict and challenges.

Beside him stood a small trunk with his meditation gear in place. With a flint stone on a turning wheel he lit a scented oil lamp. He used the lamp's flame to lit a small pot with incense. Slowly he let the incense fill his lungs and his meditation take him away.

----

Pierre redressed himself and dusted the red, rocky earth from his hands and robe. Fully erect on this hill he glanced over Lakeshire, his birthplace. It seemed peaceful but he wasn't too comfortable with the location. Adabella stood right of him, overlooking the same scenery quietly. Pierre stared at her in surprise. He was sure he didn't try to recall her in this meditation. More surprising was to see her here.

"We have never been here together, Adabella."
- "No... we haven't."
"You have never spoken those words."
- "No..." she sighed, "I haven't."
"I don't understand. How can this be?"
She glanced at him and smiled though there was sadness in her eyes.
- "Adabella is free now. Free from the bounds of the memory that haunted you."
"Then who are you?"
- "I'm your conscience and the part of Adabella that lives free in your heart."
"Does she.. do you know if I... why I choose to confront myself with her memory?"
She smiled kindly, but the sadness wasn't gone.
- "Out of love. A new love. And because that love is meant to be free."
"I.. I don't mean .. disrespect.. I.. just.. think I love her."
Her voice softened.
- "It's alright, Jean... Remember?"
He nodded hesitantly. She placed a hand on his cheek tenderly.
- "The mystery of a new start becomes difficult to accept if it's preceded by the sad end of another time. We can not see the future and grow afraid it will hold another unbearable loss. So we crawl in our dark corner with the torment of our past, believing we can hide from the pains of future. In fact, it is then that we have abandoned all hope to know peace and to become strong. Slowly we loose ourselves to our past. But... Pierre... You are young."
Her smile lightened up, and she winked; it encouraged him.
- "Make your life beautiful, with all the blessings it is given. Let them be your strength, never your weakness. There are still many battles you shall have to fight. Such as this one."
She nodded at the landscape.

Pierre looked back at the landscape.
"Do I have to battle this now?"
- "In time... If you wish to achieve the full potential of your life. But you have fought many battles of the present and the past. Find rest. Find your blessing. There is much work for you... It's what you are. But take heart. You have emerged stronger from these battles. I'm proud of you."
Pierre nodded but didn't feel too confident, looking worried at the landscape of Lakeshire.

----

Pierre opened his eyes and slumped to his bed. He changed clothing and crawled under his sheets, troubled by the vision of Lakeshire. Then he remembered the words that were whispered to him: "Find your blessing."
He thought of his blessing. He thought of his new love, and the wonderful woman that embodied it. And suddenly he felt stronger, and he could feel the warm glow of love spread from heart till his very toes tingled with joy and his cheeks cramped from his smile. He turned and closed his eyes, thinking of the things he'd like to tell her. He fell fast asleep, relieved of his worries.

((I couldn't resist adding a small piece. I also had nowhere else to place this song))

Pierre walked into his room, letting out a sigh as if the weight of the world had finally released him. Despite his troubles, there was focus in his mind once again. A clear path had revealed itself. His heart and mind were one again.
For this brief moment, the world looked brighter.

He moved to his scribe table and wondered if he shouldn't write about the events that played in his life. He sat down and scanned some parchments with his notes, when suddenly he held one with strangely structured scribbles. He read the words, looking pained. He remembered writing them, and just as vividly his emotional state when he wrote these words. It represented the final struggle of his heart to hold on to a lost love. He read the final line: its uncontinued word had a trail of ink where he pulled his quill away. It was the point where his heart lost the strength to bear it. He had to finish it. It had to end, both song and sentiment. Not because he wished to forget, but simply because.. it was the only way. He grabbed his quill and finished the sentence. He looked back at the sheet and shook his head.
"This deserves its proper ending as well.."

----

My angel, lost.

Your smile meant so much more than I dared admit,
Your words, your counsel, support and stubborn wit,
Was I too late to return what you gave to me?
Was I too late to admit what you meant to me?

Come with me, Stay with me, Lay beside me,

I want to dream away, just once more,
In your arms, comforted like before,
And feel your breath in neck and ear,
To fool my heart, your love is near.

I believed you would stay by my side for long,
But fate had turned and suddenly you were gone,
You were lost I showed my feelings with a token,
And we were both left alone with a love unspoken.

Come with me, Stay with me, Lay beside me,

I want to dream away, just once more,
In your arms, comforted like before,
And feel your breath in neck and ear,
To fool my heart, your love is near.

My vision and mind had darkened, I couldn't breathe
Hoped my grief would bring my heart to its final beat
But you left me only words, telling me to continue
That it'd be alright, but it's not, not without you

Come with me, Stay with me, Lay beside me,

I want to dream away, just once more,
In your arms, comforted like before,
And feel your breath in neck and ear,
To fool my heart, your love is near.

You didn't let me choose my purpose; I was tasked,
I was to conquer my sorrow and doubt, as you asked,
Even in my grief and sorrow, you forced me to peace
Against my heart, perhaps yours, you gave me release

You came to me, Stayed with me, Stood beside me,

You let me dream away, just like before,
Speaking words, of comfort once more.
And we shared our smiles, you were near
You relieved my heart, with love so dear.

JP ... I think I'm in love with you

Awww <3

But... why does your Elf abuse JP?

Are you trying to tell me that you don't enjoy the abuse ... ?

Maybe... Maybe not... Maybe only yours... Maybe not.. >.>