[IC Game] More lumber is required.

This is a proposition for a forum based IC game. It is inspired by Warcraft's parody on the medi evil society where peasants/citizens whine helplessly for just about anything, pleading for help from the mighty and wise for the silliest trivialities.
"Oh noes! Someone stole my deed! Help me my Lord!" -> have the thief beaten to pulp and return the deed.
"Oh noes! I over boiled my potatoes! Help me!" -> ...

Rules

1) Keep it simple, fun and a few lines short.
2) It needs to be 'current', meaning the current status of our society must apply. This may be enriched with server lore based situations.
3) If the last post described a problem, anyone may reply with a solution.
4) If the last post described a solution, anyone may reply with a new problem.
5) You may both write a solution and a new problem in the same post.
6) Describe whether it is a peasant screaming on the street, or a letter to the council/order of knights/whatever.
7) "Peasants" or "Citizens" can post problems. You are invited to use your ingame characters if applicable or make up a new character.
8 ) "Knights", "Guards", "Priests", "Nobles" and "Ministers" (basically any form of social/authoritive figure) can solve problems, or issue orders that will solve it. You are invited to use your ingame titles and positions if applicable, or to invent a new character with a usable title. I only request to avoid a conflict with titles used in the game. No, you are not the king

Notes

It is perfectly acceptable to jump ahead in time or use a previous solution to yield a new problem. A bit like that "hole in the bucket" song.
We are out of water -> Take the bucket and get water
But there's a hole in the bucket -> Go mend it with straw!
But the straw is too long -> ...

It is acceptable and maybe encouraged to use server inspired situations. Ie: a peasant complaining his wife is "tripping balls".

I'll get us started.

A peasant barges in on the council.
"My Lords! The winter is hard and all the lumber is used for wars. We are cold and freezing. We need lumber for our stoves, my Lords!"

"Quite right too" replied the Councillor for War, before hitting the peasant over the head with a chair, shattering it to pieces, "there, plenty of wood for your stove..."


(Something like that?)

((LOL. Certainly amusing.))

A woman runs in:
"My Lords! My Husband returned with a great store of wood but he proved very ill and injured in the head. He hasn't recover since. Can you save him?"

"Sire Sire! There's two strangers in the barn wearing naught but thier tabards rolling in the hay! I fear for the cattle!"

"Well, here my good man, this should be enough to get the cattle their own tabards, milk of a jaelous cow tastes most sour." *the noble hands a few silver coins to the peasent*

((Like this?))

((certainly good replies, but you are allowed to add a new 'problem' when you solved a previous one ))

A woman runs in:
"My Lords! My Husband returned with a great store of wood but he proved very ill and injured in the head. He hasn't recover since. Can you save him?"

Is he not a criminal we shall save his soul; If we can not do so, he shall be laid to rest.
[Loudly] Call the priests!


The local Stormwind outskirts farmer runs into the Council meeting:

Sires! Sires! Please help, for I have found trails of gore and my cows are gone! The barn has been invaded with Gnomes smoking something that makes me feel dizzy, and I know naught of what to do!

"well seems like the gnomes are high,.. shackle them and use them instead,.. gnomes has always tasted nice on dinner plates! shame about the milk thow,.. ahh I know breed the female ones!"

(one shady man talking to another in a pub)

"ya see that man there,.. the one with all the silky robes,.. tell me,.. how can I take his wife?"

A noble replies:
"I have use for a man who doesn't mind getting his hands a little dirty. Work for me and she's yours."



Jean-Pierre runs in the council
"Oh dear.. Honorable Ministers! The increased prices for wood are also affecting the price of paper, and books. Parchment is always too expensive in winter. What do we do!?"

"Write on your own backs, or the dried hide of a cow!"

A white faced man, waving a deed, runs in
"A wolf walking on two legs just walked into my house, peed in the doorway and told me to leave his property, help me!"

"Teach him to fetch."

A peasant runs in the main room of his land lord.
"My lord! Hungry minions can not get to a hatchery!"

"Hire an adventurer."

A quest giver to King Varian.

"Adventurers are organising themselves into a guild!"

"Ask money for registering a guild."

A peasant runs to the King as well.
"My Lord! They are asking money to register a guild! We can't pay that much gold for a simple bridge game club. "

'How is it that you have time to be gambling away your time with cards, peasant?! I shall ensure I increase the taxes in your area!'

((No inspiration for a follow-up, go ahead anyone :p))

A peasant come running in.
"Sire! The guilds are threatening to go on strike if we do not grant them more perks and benefits!"

sire
"kill there leader and you will get there place,.. that will stop em winging!"


*has just swung her favorate axe into the orks back and is stuck dead and does not have the strength to remove it*

errm anyone know how to remove an axe from an ork?

Because I am from the spelling police today. It's "orc" ORC ORC ORC! An "Ork" is something from warhammer! *RAGE!*

"Personally, I use a crowbar"

A pesant asks his neighbour
"I bought this bottle of something an alchemist had labled as 'mojo' and said was something the trolls used, what should I do with it?"

"Give it to me, you got the good stuff... Mon!"

*Sprints into the Barracks*

"Help, help! We're under attack! There's a vicious dragon, hovering over Stormwind!"

"Stand in the fire to get an achievement."

Citizen runs in the council:
"My Lords! We have a rat plague on our hands!"

*starts chasing and killing all the rats in her worgen form* there ya are,.. dinner is served!

a troll runs up to his buddies with worry

"yo bud,.. I have just found ou my bes bud is doin te mojo wid me mom

what can I do?"

"Hex them both, then start breeding frogs!"

rat catcher runs into the Council:
"A worgen ate all the rats and now i don't have a job!"

"Luckily we have an opening for you at the barracks after the fools inside decided to run out of cover and into dragonfire after someone suggested it'd be an "achievement". When can you start?"

A peasant runs into a court.

"Your honour, my neighbour is letting his animals graze on my land. But when I complain he's saying it is his land. I'd take his animals as compensation but he's a good friend of a famous adventurer. What should I do?"

"Manipulate the adventurer, into performing an epic task in destroying the demonic cattle of Galhalla."

*Sprints into the king's quarters*

"Milord! The peasants are revolting! They shout 'Give us food, or we'll burn the castle!'... What should we do!?"