Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
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Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Sat Oct 15, 2011 5:31 pm
29 July
It is a month past midsummer, but already winter. There's a chill even in the sunlight. Sometimes I feel as if I'm back in the village, because the cold reaches out so tangibly, like Vanith's or Kaden's hand.
I have made up my mind to leave Dalaran. At least Winterspring has a different kind of cold. I felt safe there once, and that is the one thing I am going to give to Adrian - safety - now that I know how dangerous it is to trust anyone, and what a fool I've been. He won't suffer for my mistakes.
~
3 August
We leave at dawn. I told Garthen that tonight I would complete the soul ritual between us, but I can't do it. If the Hawthorns find him, it would be an arrow straight to Adrian. I thought about sending Adrian away with someone instead, but there is no one I can trust. Besides, I can't stay in Dalaran. It's so cold, and for the first time in years my skill in acting is so poor. I have to go.
It is a month past midsummer, but already winter. There's a chill even in the sunlight. Sometimes I feel as if I'm back in the village, because the cold reaches out so tangibly, like Vanith's or Kaden's hand.
I have made up my mind to leave Dalaran. At least Winterspring has a different kind of cold. I felt safe there once, and that is the one thing I am going to give to Adrian - safety - now that I know how dangerous it is to trust anyone, and what a fool I've been. He won't suffer for my mistakes.
~
3 August
We leave at dawn. I told Garthen that tonight I would complete the soul ritual between us, but I can't do it. If the Hawthorns find him, it would be an arrow straight to Adrian. I thought about sending Adrian away with someone instead, but there is no one I can trust. Besides, I can't stay in Dalaran. It's so cold, and for the first time in years my skill in acting is so poor. I have to go.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Tue Oct 18, 2011 4:58 pm
18 August
The light is so blue here in Winterspring. Blue like smoke. Sometimes it's hard to tell where the snow ends and the sky begins. We'll be safe here, for now, as safe as anywhere I can think of. I've laid in a stock of wood, and yesterday I trapped a snowshoe hare at the hot spring. I told Garthen that we were going to Tanaris. I don't know if he believed me. But at least now he has only himself to keep safe.
The light is so blue here in Winterspring. Blue like smoke. Sometimes it's hard to tell where the snow ends and the sky begins. We'll be safe here, for now, as safe as anywhere I can think of. I've laid in a stock of wood, and yesterday I trapped a snowshoe hare at the hot spring. I told Garthen that we were going to Tanaris. I don't know if he believed me. But at least now he has only himself to keep safe.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:20 pm
1 September
I can barely keep count of the days, but already the promise of winter hangs in the air. In Winterspring it always snows, but the winters can freeze the skin down to a man's bones. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Ledgic hadn't betrayed me. Could I have left Adrian with him, with his children and whoever keeps them safe? I know he would die for his own.
Perhaps I would not have blamed him if he had told the Hawthorn witch what she wanted to know, if it had been for the sake of his children.
When I close my eyes at night, I can hear her voice and I can taste the blood again. Kariandra Hawthorn. I won't forget her name.
~
8 September
Adrian took his first steps today. I swear no harm will come to him while I live, and that if the Hawthorns come, I will be ready for them. If I could, I would kneel in the ash of the village and swear it. I have been shadow-weaving, and the illusions are improving. If not, I'll find her when I return. She'll have more than scars, then.
I can barely keep count of the days, but already the promise of winter hangs in the air. In Winterspring it always snows, but the winters can freeze the skin down to a man's bones. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Ledgic hadn't betrayed me. Could I have left Adrian with him, with his children and whoever keeps them safe? I know he would die for his own.
Perhaps I would not have blamed him if he had told the Hawthorn witch what she wanted to know, if it had been for the sake of his children.
When I close my eyes at night, I can hear her voice and I can taste the blood again. Kariandra Hawthorn. I won't forget her name.
~
8 September
Adrian took his first steps today. I swear no harm will come to him while I live, and that if the Hawthorns come, I will be ready for them. If I could, I would kneel in the ash of the village and swear it. I have been shadow-weaving, and the illusions are improving. If not, I'll find her when I return. She'll have more than scars, then.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Fri Oct 28, 2011 10:48 pm
13 September
I dreamed of the rack again last night. The smell of blood always close, drawing rats and nightmares. Days, or nights, they were all the same, when the flicker of torchlight hurt my eyes more than the sun ever did. And Kariandra laughing.
The divide between waking and sleeping is so tenuous. Sometimes I lie awake, or I think I'm awake, and I can feel the child growing. It's been three months, or near it.
'One may survive, but not both.' Those were her words. Her lies. Yet, she knew I was with child before I did. She has knowledge, she and her tainted blood magic. I wonder what she would have done if he had been more than a week conceived. At first I hated him for existing, for making me vulnerable. There is nothing so dangerous as being a mother.
I dreamed of the rack again last night. The smell of blood always close, drawing rats and nightmares. Days, or nights, they were all the same, when the flicker of torchlight hurt my eyes more than the sun ever did. And Kariandra laughing.
The divide between waking and sleeping is so tenuous. Sometimes I lie awake, or I think I'm awake, and I can feel the child growing. It's been three months, or near it.
'One may survive, but not both.' Those were her words. Her lies. Yet, she knew I was with child before I did. She has knowledge, she and her tainted blood magic. I wonder what she would have done if he had been more than a week conceived. At first I hated him for existing, for making me vulnerable. There is nothing so dangerous as being a mother.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:20 pm
28 September
It's a black night. There's no sign of the new moon. Yet. In the reflection of the dying coals I can see the frost's black patterns on the windows.
Tonight, with Adrian asleep and this child resting in my belly, I find myself thinking. There would have been two children before Adrian...but the time was wrong, always wrong. I was not a mother, then.
What is different this time? Is it only because I know what it's like to have a child that I am letting this one grow, eventually to be born? Or is there some other reason?
I wanted Adrian. I was fond of Eothan, the city was at my feet, and I was safe enough. Now I am not safe, no one is safe, and I am alone. By all rights I should not have this child.
It is on nights like this that I wonder if I'll see Garthen again. And so I turn to sleep to hide my own weakness.
It's a black night. There's no sign of the new moon. Yet. In the reflection of the dying coals I can see the frost's black patterns on the windows.
Tonight, with Adrian asleep and this child resting in my belly, I find myself thinking. There would have been two children before Adrian...but the time was wrong, always wrong. I was not a mother, then.
What is different this time? Is it only because I know what it's like to have a child that I am letting this one grow, eventually to be born? Or is there some other reason?
I wanted Adrian. I was fond of Eothan, the city was at my feet, and I was safe enough. Now I am not safe, no one is safe, and I am alone. By all rights I should not have this child.
It is on nights like this that I wonder if I'll see Garthen again. And so I turn to sleep to hide my own weakness.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Sat Nov 19, 2011 2:04 am
17 October
The firelight here is different than it ever was in Garthen's cabin, even though these four walls are something of the same size. The stripped pine logs. The grey chinking. A simple rectangle of a room. It could be anyone's cabin, but for now, this one is mine.
The fire in that other cabin, so long ago now, was gentle. There was a kind of solace in listening to it, in warming frozen hands. Here, the wood coughs and smokes, the flame flickers when it should burn clear. It has become a needed frustration, a trial.
Every day is so much like the one before it.
The firelight here is different than it ever was in Garthen's cabin, even though these four walls are something of the same size. The stripped pine logs. The grey chinking. A simple rectangle of a room. It could be anyone's cabin, but for now, this one is mine.
The fire in that other cabin, so long ago now, was gentle. There was a kind of solace in listening to it, in warming frozen hands. Here, the wood coughs and smokes, the flame flickers when it should burn clear. It has become a needed frustration, a trial.
Every day is so much like the one before it.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Sun Nov 27, 2011 12:54 am
(November 9)
I am uncertain of the days. I have lost the stick where I marked them. How could I have lost it? For three days I could not open the door for the snow. I am hesitant to use my shadow too often, to save my strength. We are down to eating bread ground from corn. I paid them to deliver provisions, since I can grow nothing, but it has been long.
It must be a month since I last dipped my pen in ink. I must go to check my traps before the light is gone. But I am so tired, I shouldn't be so tired, and even Adrian is crying. He almost never cries.
I am uncertain of the days. I have lost the stick where I marked them. How could I have lost it? For three days I could not open the door for the snow. I am hesitant to use my shadow too often, to save my strength. We are down to eating bread ground from corn. I paid them to deliver provisions, since I can grow nothing, but it has been long.
It must be a month since I last dipped my pen in ink. I must go to check my traps before the light is gone. But I am so tired, I shouldn't be so tired, and even Adrian is crying. He almost never cries.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:17 am
(November 20)
The room is so warm. It should be cold, with the heavy snows and the wind howling at the door. Always howling. Maybe it's the fire playing tricks on me again. At least we have food, now, but everything is aflame.
The room is so warm. It should be cold, with the heavy snows and the wind howling at the door. Always howling. Maybe it's the fire playing tricks on me again. At least we have food, now, but everything is aflame.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Sat Dec 24, 2011 8:40 pm
(November 23)
Eothan's father came to see me today. He looked so well for a dead man. If I hadn't met his son first.... but that's fate. He has Eothan's eyes, just like my son does. Perhaps this is why it's so warm, because Relius died in a burning house. He says that Eothan is burning the Hawthorns now. But not Kariandra, I said, she's mine. He also said that Ledgic was right to betray me. I don't believe him.
If Ledgic had told them about Adrian in order to save his children, I might have forgiven him. But not to save his wife. I wouldn't give up Ledgic to save Eothan or Garthen. Would I?
Eothan's father came to see me today. He looked so well for a dead man. If I hadn't met his son first.... but that's fate. He has Eothan's eyes, just like my son does. Perhaps this is why it's so warm, because Relius died in a burning house. He says that Eothan is burning the Hawthorns now. But not Kariandra, I said, she's mine. He also said that Ledgic was right to betray me. I don't believe him.
If Ledgic had told them about Adrian in order to save his children, I might have forgiven him. But not to save his wife. I wouldn't give up Ledgic to save Eothan or Garthen. Would I?
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:16 pm
(November 29)
Relius hasn't come back. After all, he's dead. Only ghosts and shadows, and the shutters clattering. The wind howls, and still the fire smokes with a soul of its own.
If I didn't have this baby growing to mark the passage of time, I could believe I had been here a hundred years. Winterspring is so cold, and the gusts of wind are pieces of my life. How strange that I used to come here for solace, when this time I have only come for survival.
Adrian is growing, too, but he so rarely laughs. I have nothing to laugh about either. I wonder if I was like him when I was a year in the world. For some reason it seems likely.
~
(December 5)
The Caans have to survive.
Once I thought that the clan was my father and my sisters and no one else; but now they are murdered, and I've learned that our line meant nothing. Now, it is about those who have lived.
My son, and Ledgic's, and Zech's. Eothan's daughter, who has yet to learn who she is, and this child of mine fighting to be born. These are all that are left. They must know their past, both the dark of it and the strength of it. Ledgic was wrong when he believed that we are evil, even if we are accursed.
We have always fought. Our sons must learn to fight. If not, we will all be scourged from this world.
~
(December 18)
I wonder what month it is, in the rest of the world. I hardly remember the spires of Dalaran, the cobbles of Stormwind. Even the dark tangles of Duskwood seem far away.
I wonder if the Hawthorns have not found us, or if they are waiting, laughing, as I go slowly mad here.
Adrian can not stay here forever.
Relius hasn't come back. After all, he's dead. Only ghosts and shadows, and the shutters clattering. The wind howls, and still the fire smokes with a soul of its own.
If I didn't have this baby growing to mark the passage of time, I could believe I had been here a hundred years. Winterspring is so cold, and the gusts of wind are pieces of my life. How strange that I used to come here for solace, when this time I have only come for survival.
Adrian is growing, too, but he so rarely laughs. I have nothing to laugh about either. I wonder if I was like him when I was a year in the world. For some reason it seems likely.
~
(December 5)
The Caans have to survive.
Once I thought that the clan was my father and my sisters and no one else; but now they are murdered, and I've learned that our line meant nothing. Now, it is about those who have lived.
My son, and Ledgic's, and Zech's. Eothan's daughter, who has yet to learn who she is, and this child of mine fighting to be born. These are all that are left. They must know their past, both the dark of it and the strength of it. Ledgic was wrong when he believed that we are evil, even if we are accursed.
We have always fought. Our sons must learn to fight. If not, we will all be scourged from this world.
~
(December 18)
I wonder what month it is, in the rest of the world. I hardly remember the spires of Dalaran, the cobbles of Stormwind. Even the dark tangles of Duskwood seem far away.
I wonder if the Hawthorns have not found us, or if they are waiting, laughing, as I go slowly mad here.
Adrian can not stay here forever.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Wed Jan 04, 2012 3:33 am
[December 23]
We cannot stay here. My snake is worked up to a fury. He is mine from Duskwood, he knows my actions if not everything.
It is a snake, from the depths of the dark forest, and I don't know how it finds me, but it does. I know very little about it, yet it is mine, entirely mine, and there is no suspicion in my mind toward it.
There is always suspicion in my mind. Is this dark-flecked serpent telling me to leave this place? Is that only my own willful imagination believing I must take him from this lonesome place?
I do not know. I only know that Adrian is at the crux of everything.
We cannot stay here. My snake is worked up to a fury. He is mine from Duskwood, he knows my actions if not everything.
It is a snake, from the depths of the dark forest, and I don't know how it finds me, but it does. I know very little about it, yet it is mine, entirely mine, and there is no suspicion in my mind toward it.
There is always suspicion in my mind. Is this dark-flecked serpent telling me to leave this place? Is that only my own willful imagination believing I must take him from this lonesome place?
I do not know. I only know that Adrian is at the crux of everything.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
Re: Excerpts from the Diary of Valerias Caan
by Valerias Thu Jan 26, 2012 7:26 am
[January 2]
This is the end.
Winterspring has exhausted me. Adrian cannot stay here. The drifts are so high, and it has been too many months.
Garthen should be safe from the Hawthorns by now, for there is nothing to take them to Dalaran. And now I must go to the other heart of the matter, for I believe Eothan is the only one who can help Adrian now.
I can't save him by staying here. And I have been too long away from Duskwood.
This is the end.
Winterspring has exhausted me. Adrian cannot stay here. The drifts are so high, and it has been too many months.
Garthen should be safe from the Hawthorns by now, for there is nothing to take them to Dalaran. And now I must go to the other heart of the matter, for I believe Eothan is the only one who can help Adrian now.
I can't save him by staying here. And I have been too long away from Duskwood.
Valerias- Posts : 1945
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 37
Character sheet
Name: 'Lady' Vale
Title: courtesan
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