Vaell - Northrend Diary Entries.

Some background
As I have been playing Guild Wars 2 as of late and will be doing so for the follow couple of weeks or so, I had arranged for my character to do his survival training for his road down the route to become a mage-hunter. He has been sent off to Northrend to adapt and survive without the use of magic for a couple of weeks. He brought his diary and these are his days in the cold, stinking north.

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Day 1

12:43pm:
I am sat on a tree stump. I see nothing but snow covered trees and plains of white. Kazbo had no idea I snuck this watch into my rucksack. I was so very swift about it. I would have gone mad if I lost track of time! He provided me two puppys incase I grow hungry from my provided rations. They are, I believe, both Huskys. I do not see how I could grow hungry, it is cold, but I've heard animals and the like still wonder here. I can catch one of those, surely? Two weeks here? Piece of cake. Marble cake. I am hungry.

12:49pm:
I have named the one with white and grey fur, Chilly. The other I will just call Patrick. I do not like that one. It bit me.

2:34pm:
This is boring! I am just cold, my feet feel wet, so I've had to use Chilly as a footrest. She doesn't mind. I think it is a she. I will investigate after I have a brief lunch.

3:44pm:
Patrick has eaten my left shoe. No dinner for him.

4:01pm:
They say the greatest minds spend time in solitary. Perhaps it is a sign! I will go on to create some of the most wonderful things, I believe. I hope to progress further and further. Arenfel says I am a very good mage and I think I am too. My mind is unfathomable to the common man!

4:36pm:
I can not think of a word to rhyme with wiggle. Is it like orange?

5:53pm:
I found a finger. It was frozen in a block of ice. I will thaw it by my fire tonight.

18:20pm:
I wrote a poem to pass the time.

Snow is white,
In a snowball fight,
I worship light,
It is cold tonight.

I am considering sending it off to the Stormwind Library. Perhaps they'll reward me with a title for such fine poetic skill. I like the title 'Danger-man'.

22:31pm:
Warden Vaell, Mage-Hunter. Reads poetry to his victims. I am quite cold, It took me three hours to light the fire and I could have sworn I heard a bear. I used all of my matches up and will have to find some dry wood tomorrow. At least my tent is prepared perfectly. I don't su-

22:49pm:
Tent caught alight. I managed to stop the fire but if I stand it up, there is a large hole in the side. I have wrapped it around me completely. Like a cacoon. Do bears eat cacoons?

23:24:pm
So cold. Fuck snow. It isn't even a fun colour. Like indigo.

23:44pm:
Patrick ate the finger. Time for sleep.
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This is mage-hunter Frostgear, and this is my favorite thread on the citadel.

This is apprentice Feirand, and the necromancer-to-become can't go but to agree and laugh.

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Day 2:

9:43am
Though the cold has frozen my urine, it has made the most beautiful icicle. It is a lovely morning in the frozen north, none the less. I managed to scare off my first predator. A vicious, bloodythirsty stag. It was there, munching away on some plant when I came out with my arms stretched wide. It ran! Oh boy, did it run! I was ferocious! I feel like I am the top of the food chain out in this frozen north. I will catch one tomorrow and cook it on a fire so high that any foe that dares to look upon it will flee in fear!

12:14pm
I packed up my things and moved camp. I fear the stag may return for vengeance and I do not want to be there when it does. I am inside a cave. It is much warmer in here. I washed my armpits with some melted snow. Hygiene is enemy number one in this light forsaken place.

12:19pm
I have built myself a little doorstep using different coloured rocks. It says in a darker colour "Welcome." I hope I do not see anyone here, I can't imagine myself being the most pleasant of guests. I don't even have any tea.

14:55pm
I have begun to ration. I think my food will only last me the day. I have been eating regularly and I blame Kazbo. This salted pork is simply divine. I have treated myself to seconds (and even the occassional thirds) in the two days I've been here. I now see my mistake.

19:40pm
I thought the stag had returned for its meal. It was a bear! I heard it coming and brought out the sword, shouting out it through fear ferocity. It growled, attempted to come near and I hurled a rock at it! Bonk on the head and it would not come near. It turned its back, padding off in a huff. I truly am-

[i]20:14pm
I had only the time to bring my quill, ink puppys and diary. I am in the darkest part of the cave and my fingers shake as I write. I am very cold. The bear came back. I think it is asleep. It was drawn to the pork, I knew I should have packed peanut butter. I don't think it knows I am here. I'm just going to wait. I've wrapped a nuzzle around Patrick. I blame him!

22:33pm
It has finally gone. I think out for a hunt. I have urinated around the cave and used Chilly's and Patrick's droppings to smother the walls with a new scent. It will not return here, I believe. I am becoming fond of Patrick. He urinated on the west wall when I found myself running low.

23:57pm
Still no sign of the bear. I have piled rocks up to create a little dam. I will explore the rest of this cave tomorrow. I dare not shout for when Patrick barked earlier, it echoed down into the depths of this lonesome place. I wish I had some more pork.
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Day 3

11:01am:
I managed to have a long sleep after the worries that blinded me yesterday. No disturbances during the night. The bear had damaged most of my bag when it rummaged for the pork, though I found some soggy biscuits that I have eaten for breakfast. I gave Chilly and Patrick one each and had three to myself. I am now out of food. I have heard stories of great masses of buried treasure and banquets in the deepest parts of the North. I won't go outside today, I have blocked off the entrance as best as I can and will instead be searching this cave, once I have lit a torch.

13:26pm:
It was far harder than I anticipated to get it going, but I have light. Can't write much, fear it will go out.
Cave vast, needed to write directions. Left, right, right, straight past, straight past, left, right, left, left.

18:08pm:
This cave was truly wonderous! I feel like a true expeditionist. I did not eat well, however, the moss on the walls has made me feel quesy quasy quesy kweezy sick to the stomach. I am now sat in the deepest part I could find. A large cavern. There are stalagmites and shining rocks littered beautifully around the bowl room. A waterfall gushes through cracks in the northern wall and creates a glistening puddle that produces the freshest and tastiest water I have ever had the pleasure of drinking. I found a gap past the dripping water that I could almost fit through, with a squeeze. I will make it larger and perhaps build myself a trap door so I can come and go as I please. This could be my new home! Kazbo will think I am struggling, I will lie and tell him I have beaten beasts, chewed down raw meat and travelled far and wide. Meanwhile, I can relax and wait out the rest of this damned experience in peace and serenity.

21:20pm:
I have brought all of my things down to the cavern. "Home is what you make of it." Something a scholar would say? I think so. I should consider becoming one when I get back.

21:38pm:
I was looking at myself in the reflection of the water. I did not think myself handsome, yet I attract elves such as Sariella and that commoner pretty girl, Delinith. The females will flock to me when I return. An adventerous and handsome mage returns from the evil north. I have practiced kissing on Chilly. I think Patrick was jealous because he would not look me in the eye.

23:45pm:
I will sleep soon. The puppys are keeping me warm. Life is grand. I am still hungry, however. I will need to find food in the morning or risk starvation.

23:55pm:
Jiggle. A word that rhymes with wiggle.
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Day 4
06:09am:
I woke from a haunting dream. I was surrounded by food and Chilly came by my lap, laid on her back and asked me to cook and eat her. I can't help but look at her and imagine a belly warmed by meat for the next couple of days. Maybe even four. I mean, the puppys are here to fill my belly, right? It would not be wrong. A just cause...

23:57pm:
Today has been the hardest day since I came here. I feel as if it has been a week, not just 14 hours. I will be sleeping after I write this and tomorrow will be a day full of death. I was awoken to the roar of a bear. Not one of anger, but of agony. I ran up the halls of the cave, following my directions, till I came to the front. There stood three Vrykul. I kept out of sight and listened. The one holding the bloodied spear seemed to be their leader, he had a frost white beard but a broad and muscular form. He was the most frightening of the three. One of them was beardless, with a disjointed looking face and crossed eyes. The other, a black short beard with two axes upon his back. They referred to the leader as Rognolf. The two others praised him for the kill. I could not make out what they were saying until the darker bearded one looked at me. Directly at me. I ran. I heard them on my tail and I could not stop. I have never been so afraid, I did not expect it. I got to my cavern fast, hoping to lose them in the short tunnels, but I could still hear them. The hole I was meant to widen was my only escape and I pushed Chilly and Patrick through it.
(a tear stains the parchment, withering it just below this paragraph)

I managed to climb through, shredding much of the skin around my hips and stomach. I kept running, holding Chilly and Patrick under my arms. I heard them in the distance an hour later, tracking me, I knew it. It continued through the day. It was agonising, I have never felt so weak. I was running through a frosted woodland and felt as if I was going to die. My bag became heavy and I almost dropped it. Instead, I stupidly took a break. I had to rest and I chose the worst place. I was beside a cliff edge, water running below. I dropped and laid on the ground, exhausted. I do not remember how much time passed before Rognolf caught up to me. He took me by the hair and lifted me. I wish I was still bald, I could not move through fear. He was saying something but I could not understand. Then he dropped me. He was yelping in pain but I had no time to look to what was causing it. I ran to the edge of the cliff and peered off. I picked up Patrick and looked for Chilly. I turned, not seeing her, to find her biting the back of the Vrykul's ankle. He picked her up and... I just stood there, I knew I was crying, but I could not do anything. He turned his attention on me and I jumped off. I only remember waking up upon a shore, Patrick was licking my face and I could barely move my body. I managed to drag myself away into the pitch black darkness and build a fire. If the Vrykul came, I would have accepted death. They did not, though. Hours passed and I heard nor saw no signs of them. I stripped my clothing and dried it over the fire.

I miss Chilly. I was considering eating her, like some demonic miserable wretch of a man this morning and now I am mourning her like she was a sibling. She saved my life. Though brief my time with her, she was one of my only companions here. I will not eat Patrick, I would sooner starve. I feel no sadness, just anger. I will sleep now and upon first light tomorrow, I will gather fish from the river, I will craft a new weapon and I will not just survive in this waste. I will hunt and I will kill the three Vrykul who killed my friend.
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Day 5

09:20:
Hunted down their party, set out with only a razor in my hand and ragged cloth to cover my genitalia. I am the hunter.

13:40:
Killed a bear that looked at me wrong. Just tore out its throat. Found the first Vrykul. I will wait and slaughter him!

15:32:
Ripped him to shreds with my blade! I am the ultimate hunter, I would kill any foe that stood before me.

18:33:
A dragon swooped down with the second Vrykul on the back. I had luckily set up a catapult built from a nearby tree and hurled myself at it. When I reached the Dragon's back, I slit his throat and was done with him. One more.

21:05:
I stood over my last vrykul prey. I had just disarmed him with a swinging-high-kick-throat-backflip The one who killed Chilly and I raised my blade. I took his life! I am the hunter!

23:40:
I am a liar. Not only to myself, but in an attempt to trick Kazbo. I was going to show him my journal, to prove that I did not have to eat Chilly and that I was worthy of taking on any task as a hunter. To tell you the truth, none of it happened. I made it to the cave and spent the entirety of yesterday feeling hungry and groaning, till at last I did what I never wished to do and ate Chilly. I know it was survival and that this was the point of the task, to break through that barrier, but if I'm completely honest. She was delicious! Patrick remains alive and today we have already hunted down some rats. I need his warmth to survive. My cave is safe and secure. The bear hasn't returned and there isn't a Vrykul in sight. In fact, I wrote another poem.

Chilly, I am sorry for my appetite,
But moss on the rocks wasn't right.
In fact, you cooked up so well,
Chicken or dog, I couldn't tell.
A beautiful dish fit for two,
Yum yum yum yum, zoo.

I was doing so well until the end. Zoo must be the only word that rhymes with two. Tomorrow, I must move on. Food is scarce here and aventure awaits.
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Day 6

10:13:
I had bat for breakfast. Tasted sort of like dried puss, rotten chicken and toasted toenails. It was delightful! I could it with a little trick I have learnt out here. A sharp jab with a pointed stick.

12:32:
I wonder what Rae would be doing in my position. Probably praying. I say, damn the light! So far, I've been chased by some sort of Jaguar beast, a bear, a ferocious antelope-thing and some squirrels with huge teeth, all because it was day time! I am a man of the darkness. A shadow in the shadows... I have been training Patrick. He can sit, bark and collect leaves. All useful skills in the cold north.

13:10:
Milk! Finally, Milk! It turns out Patrick was a girl and so I milked her dry! Patricia will be her new name and I shall feast on the white glory of the teat tonight!

15:30:
My days have been long and tiresome. I have spent most of the time trying to keep myself warm and hiding whenever I hear a predator skulking around. My food has finally completely depleted so I decided to pick some berries today. They are blue with orange spots. That is a clear sign that they must be delicious.

21:30:
This is the longest I have been without throwing up or laying a log. Twelve minutes since the last time. Those berries were in fact delicious but deadly. The first couple of hours seemed to mimic a drunken state and then sickness kicked in. Then my faeces consistency turned to water. Patricia has been avoiding me since it kicked in.

23:40:
I look as old as Arenfel, I smell as bad as the Major and the taste in my mouth is worse than Alorah's cooking.

02:30:
I can hardly sleep. I keep waking and falling back to sleep. My skin is pale, my eyes bulged and my stomach turning. I miss Steve. The feeling of his slime covered tendrils against my sleeve as I sleep. Scoot on Scooter.

04:46:
I wake from a wonderful dream to be sick. The twins Alorah and Sariella had arrived in my cave, bringing large comfortable sleeping bags that rolled out like a Dalaran bed. They were wearing nothing! Then they merged into one body, a two headed elf of wonder. I am quite the dream player, as it were. Though, Kazbo interrupting to tell me that my brown robes were too bland ruined the moment.
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Day 7

06:30:
I woke this morning with a startle. It was approximately twenty minutes ago. There was a growl and Patricia was barking. The bear had finally returned and it was rummaging in my bag, tearing it up. Patricia had attacked it as I woke and got a nasty swipe. I roared in fear, like a lion backed into a corner... (that and my faeces pile was in the corner behind me and I would have rather faced a bear than be backed into that) and it ran. It actually turned and fled, fearful of my might!

06:37:
Patricia is dying. My sweet pup. My wonder dog. Alas poor Patricia, I knew you not.

08:21:
Patricia has died. I buried her beneath some rocks and stones that I found around the cave and placed a gentle looking flower on her tomb. I refused to eat the friend that fought for me so valiantly. Well, maybe I had a thigh or two but she would have wanted that.

10:30:
I can't take living in a place so full of death. I have decided to get up and move. I will find shelter in a tree somewhere, plenty of cover, open view of my surroundings and I'm starting to become used to the chill. The frost coated nipples are still a shock, however.

14:53:
I had found a place a mile west of the cave. It is a large tree with a little perch. I am like a bird! Sqwark and tweet all you like my neighbouring winged fellows, I am one of you now.

17:50:
I decided to explore and with my luck I came across bear tracks nearby. I am sure it was the same bear. I followed the tracks and found a little cubby area with plenty of cover. The bear's home. Its fortress. I am going to hunt it, it is what Kazbo expects of me.

20:07:
The wind was blowing and I was prepared! My spike pit was set with a slab of meat on top to pull the bear in. I was holding the biggest rock imaginable, perched in the tree above. I have drawn the scene to give you a better idea of what happened. This is a to scale drawing of how big the bear was compared to me.


So it came near, it took the meat and did not fall for my spike trap, so I dropped launched the rock and CRACK! Right on its bulbous head. The day was won with the blood of my enemy!

23:10:
I have gone back to my original treetop to sleep. I have hidden my kill under a bunch of leaves and branches to scare off predators. I will return and feast on bear till I can leave this wasteland. I have done what I came here to do. I wrote a poem for Patricia.

Once a male and my guard dog,
Brown and fluffy like a log,
I'd warm my feet upon your hair,
Until you got torn up by a bear.

My good old pal you tasted nice,
Even without the need of spice.
I have killed your murderer,
Silly bear why did you murder her?

My love is lost to both my hounds,
No longer will I hear your sounds.
So goodnight my meals for two,
I'll forget you and find something new.

Steve, my snail, no need to offend,
I'll never eat you, my slimey friend.
I'll be home soon so don't you cry,
I've never quite fancied a snail pie!

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Day 8

12:14:
I have had a lie in today. I feel great. The sun is shining, the cold is bearable (get it?) and I am quite content. Last night I snacked on one of the bear's kills. I think it must have been game. I do not care anymore, I have plenty of meat, a nice station to hold up in and I have done my duty. Counting the hours.

13:02:
I have just been sat making faces into a bowl of water for the past hour. Delighted by life is all I can say. This trip has been wonderful! I will fetch some bear for lunch. A nice big lunch!

15:32:
My bear was stolen. The fool has left tracks to his camp but I am too frightened to persue in the daylight. When the cover of night comes, I'll catch this thief and show him what-for!

19:56:
I am buggered. I followed the tracks and came across a camp sight. They had a clear fire burning and there were two of them. One was a skinny looking fellow and the other was quite broad. The skinnier one seemed to be the one in charge. He wore robes, like myself. He was casting some sort of spell to light the fire when I came along. I hid in the bushes and watched as they roasted a webbed man! I could not believe my eyes when I saw it. My bear was stuffed in a pile with another webbed individual and above them, on a large web... a spider! A giant bloody spider! It seemed to be their pet. I ran away as soon as I saw it. There goes my meal to a couple of cannibals and their widowess beast.

21:09:
Why did I run? I have spoke aloud to myself since I came back to my tree and come to the conclusion that this place isn't Stormwind. It isn't Dalaran. This is the cold north and there will be no justice system here. No Braiden "I don't invite you to my parties and my mercenary bastard pets throw you away when you try to enter" Mistmantle here. No council nor Disciple to tell me what I can or can't do to a thief. I am the predator here and they are the prey! I know where they are. I have the element of surprise. This is a man eat dog world and I intend to win it.

23:46:
Pinecones don't taste bad once you cook them a little while. Sort of the same crunch you get when you chew a nail. I am worrying myself about tomorrow. If I muck up, I will die. I could just leave it and find some cruddy food to eat, but I can't shake the feeling of anger. Besides, I've always fancied the idea of eating spider.
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Day 9

09:32
A decent sleep to start the day. I have already thought out the plan in my head. I will fire a flaming arrow against the web, during the craze I will strike out with a spear and kill the mage. Then hurl it into the broad one. Easy enough!

13:40
I have fashioned myself the spear by spiking a stick. The bow was too tough so I'll have to settle for a torch. I am quite excited! This is so much fun.


22:04
I did it! I am the victor. I write this smothered in blood and doused in web. I was considering telling my tale in a most glorious fashion, showing off all of my strengths but in truth, I was lucky. I had initiated Operation Kill People and spider at dusk. I had stripped my clothing into a tank top style, along with wearing very short shorts to compact my genitals (though, in this cold, it wasn't very necessary) and rubbed mud onto my face, arms and legs. I had not considered that my burning torch would attract attention, so when I got close to burn the web, the broad one saw me and roared in delight. That is when the spider came for me. It fired web at me and I was knocked off course by it. I had little time to react, so I threw the torch in its direction. I missed the spider but I did hit the mage coming up behind it. This made the spider go crazy! He must have been controlling it because as the man burnt in agony, the spider skittered off out of fear from the flames, screeching in a most horrific manner. It was beautiful! Then the broad one started to chase me and I felt a little bit of my bladder escape me. Again, Lady Luck was with me because I ran and slipped over some blood. Some bear blood! The broad one came into sight and then POW! He fell through my previously built spike pit. His screams were loud and pleasant to my frosted ears. I gave him the finger and continued to persue the last one. I saw him running on and so I stopped and shouted "YOU SHALL EVER FEAR THE NAME THAT IS VAELL!" At that point, thwap! The spider came down and got him. As he yelped, I ran over, picked up my spear and jab, right in the puss sack of the spider. It burst forth, sputtering me with its contents. I was thrilled to be alive, I must say.

22:40
I will tell the tale to the Disciples, explaining how I had disarmed the broad man, punched my fist through the spider and ate the head, with one giant bite, of the mage. Maybe they'll knight me or reward me with endless amounts of gold. I know they don't own endless amounts of gold, but my story must be worth something to someone? Vaell Spiderbane. Vaell, killer of Man-eaters. Vaell, strong guy.

23:11
What if the one who ran had escaped? If he had made it away, he would have known my face, my voice and my name. This line of work could get me killed but worse, my friends could be harmed. If they had held Patricia at knife point, would I have been able to attack? I need a new identity. Something that people would fear. P.S Spider is a bit too crunchy for my liking. I tried some of the human and to tell you the truth, it was rather bland.
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Day 10

08:14
I woke in my tree feeling exhausted. My first thought was of last night and the way I acted. I can't just be myself in these situations. I am not a dealer of death. I could be loud and proud in front of my prisoners because that is what they were, prisoners. Nothing more. This world needs me to rise as a new hero! One to fight crime and injustice in magic. I have eaten the remaining parts of the spider I saved. It may not have been nice, but it filled my belly. This is my last day here and I am to rendevous at my drop off location at six.

11:20
I have spent the last couple of hours designing my costume. I will edit the robes I am having manufactured and build myself a new set based around these designs.

Plenty of lovely colours merged in and a silk inside to keep me warm. These are the most important things about my costume suit. All the other mumbo jumbo about fire resisillience can come later.

14:33
Still not thought of a name. Perhaps, "The Predator" or "Ghost Fister". I quite like "The Seismic Doom" but it sounds a little evil. "Mage-Predator" has a slight ring to it, but I like colours so maybe "Blue Banger."
I am going to visit the cave to pay my respects to Patricia before I go. I miss her. Steve will be waiting for me, he is probably worried sick.

17:54
Only a few minutes from leaving this part of the world. I'll miss it in a murderous rampage sort of way, you know? It is odd to think that this time tomorrow, I will be sorting my clothing out for the Council, surrounded by buildings, currency and whores. I'll miss the whores of the wild, the owls. Hooting their way through the night, picking up lowly birds and trading worms for love. One last poem,

Owl, you do not care,
A bird who can share,
If I were a raven or duck,
I'd choose only you to fu-

18:41
I lost the vibe of my poem because the extraction team arrived. I say team, it was two guys who looked rather bothered to see me. I even saw one hand the other some coin saying "you were right, all his limbs." I ignored the rudeness and told them about my battle with the bear. They must have been truly stunned to hear it because they were speechless when I asked them what they thought of my prowess. I believe I am an alpha male and that might have scared them. I will be more gentle with those lesser than me in future. Not the poor people, though. They still smell and clog up the city.

03:00
This is it then. Home and I have been for hours. I've stayed up to learn a voice altering spell. I have already learnt how to create an illusion to make my eyes switch colour. I will not sleep so that I can show off my skills tomorrow and petition my idea to become a hero to Kazbo.
Overall, I'd give my trip four starts out of five. It was pleasant enough but it isn't somewhere I'd take a child. Unless he was well seasoned first. With a side of dog.

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