Ode to Alchemy, and all victims of my alchemy

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Here's to Saihna, Gahalla, Jayse, Irys and all other people I terrorized, scared or annoyed with my cures and alchemy.

Sadly, it can't fit JP ICly, so it's OOC... But it's IC in a way. So that's why I place it in the story section.

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The time for some alchemy has been found,
Fumes, smoke, boiling liquids all around,
There is a whisper in their cooking sound
The promise of results that will astound!

I light up my boiler and set it to explode,
Use mats that Rentarn with danger forebode
Then I scribble nonsense, a garbled code,
It's the path to fame! It's the mother load.

A little bit of that.
A little bit of this.
Sometimes it goes bad.
Sometimes it goes amiss.
Will it make you glad?
Will it be death's kiss?

Here are my patients! For me they walk miles,
I act doubtful and throw them nervous smiles,
I scan through my notes, having lost my files,
Then grab a box and say "Here are some vials!"

How beautiful is this colorful potion rack?
I scrutinize its vials and recount the pack.
Something is missing and I try to look whack.
My confusions gives patients a heart attack!

A little bit of that.
A little bit of this.
Sometimes it goes bad.
Sometimes it goes amiss.
Will it make you glad?
Will it be death's kiss?

Then I hold up a blue potion that nobody knows
Watch how it shines bright! See how it flows!
Clearly it's a mystery as my dramatic tone shows.
But I don't use it, and put it back in the rows!

I display uncertainty as the atmosphere tenses,
Talk dramatically about my potion's consequences,
I warn that my cures will affect their senses,
Knowing all too well, they are against the fences.

A little bit of that.
A little bit of this.
Sometimes it goes bad.
Sometimes it goes amiss.
Will it make you glad?
Will it be death's kiss?

Hear my patients curse as they lay in bed.
It's not their fault: I mixed in la Tourette.
My cure will work, but it affects their head.
Using me as doctor is a fun but dangerous bet.

Retaining the color of your hair, I can't do.
And the strength of your voice will fail too.
A simpler cure would undoubtedly just fix you
But what person would enjoy that? Tell me who?

A little bit of that.
A little bit of this.
Sometimes it goes bad.
Sometimes it goes amiss.
Will it make you glad?
Will it be death's kiss?

I never conjure something that works just fine.
I prefer to see my victims turn dark or shine,
Something to morph them into a dragon or swine.
My patients thank me, but the pleasure is mine!

In the end it's alright, and it worked well,
Except their heads may occasionally swell.
There's nothing a new treatment can't quell.
And so they return to me at my grand bordel.

I give you the new Alchemy Theme Song.