Re: The vent thread

[Kil'drakor]

My lame ass government doesn't allow me to study medicine yet again (second year in a row now).

Wankers!

[Etular]

I hate this country.

The end.

If it's England, I agree - no question (as I do too). If it's some other country, I can't blame you, but I'd stress that it probably isn't as bad as England...

/me, despite realising that England probably has the best chance of getting him a good education, hates the country bitterly and hopes to move to Norway ASAP after finishing school and university.

I'm going to break up the mood of this thread being about just ye olde daily life trivialities and perhaps rant way too much, no caps lock this time. This is perhaps way too serious to be just broadcasting over a forum like this but I don't really got friends to vent these thoughts to and even if I did I'd still feel more comfortable posting it on a forum where probably only just 5 complete strangers will read it and maybe have some deep thoughts because of it. So here we go.

I am unlike most people in my understanding of the world and what I want from it. Or maybe I do want the same thing as everyone but am one step back in my search. Most people look for something to make their life worth it - it varies from person to person what this thing is. Now what is it for me? I have many ideas in my head about my future, most of them contradicting each other. The one that stands out best is putting my life constantly at risk. I imagine myself setting out on a journey once I am prepared and just traveling along the world with nothing but the clothes on my back and some weapons. Pitting myself against beasts and other humans for the basic needs of my survival, exploring both wilderness and city, learning new and new things and living on my own terms. And I can't shake off this lust for war. I picture myself going off as a mercenary somewhere just for the fun of it. Now I ain't some damned fool who thinks he could just kill a thousand people and be left without a scratch or without even being tired. I have no illusions about war. I am going to sustain horrible injury. I am probably going to die. Every kill that I make would require every single ounce of myself put into it. I understand war and I still lust after it. I lust after the adrenaline rush of it, that divine feeling and I wish to put my life at horrible risk. Why?

That risk, those "horrors" of such constant risk make people either strong or dead. I wish to be strong then? But what for? I've thought of it as cycle. Fight to become stronger to fight more and better to become even stronger and etc. Maybe it is something else which makes me feel an allure for this? Yes. I know in myself that I'm more interested in the adrenaline rush of it all. That exhilarating feeling, it is important for me. That cycle with which I rationalized conflict was nothing but pretty words to hide this and some other things. Why is having this adrenaline rush so important to me that I'd go as far as a love for an idea which will cost my life? It makes one feel alive. Truly alive. And I'd go as far as a love for an idea which will cost my life because I am desperate. And it's not really that surprising in my case. I do not value my life for there is nothing in it which makes it worth it. The rush of adrenaline remedies that for while it lasts.

So pathetic you must think. The irony is that's the thing which gives me all my strength. My worthlessness is the reason why I would make a great warrior and a tough person. For a warrior to function properly he may not feel anything more than the rush of adrenaline. Not compassion. Not even regard for his own life. This isn't courage. Courage is overcoming fear and these other things that come with all this. This is a total absence of such complications in the first place. And why is this absence? Well, someone who knows his life has no value would not hold it in regard. He would not feel fear for his safety. Maybe even he secretly hopes that he will meet death but such a grim wish would probably remain shielded to him from his psyche. And compassion, regret for taking life? People feel compassion because they fear something might happen to themselves. A man with no value in his life would not feel compassion for what he is doing for he does not fear the same happening to him. It is truly odd in fact. At the same time this makes me a monster among wolves and it makes me the scum of the earth. And it makes me a walking dead man.

So, what does it turn out? I look for a purpose to live and I seek death for my lack of one at the same time. That is why I feel such an urge to see the world, those obscure places and learn more and more things and see as much of the world as I possibly could. That is the reason I don't want a home. It's the reason why I've been reading about the more insane type of physics, psychology and philosophy. It's why I've picked up the religious and the especially obscure religios and spiritual texts and began to read between the lines as to expand my tunnel of reality. It's also why I've even gone as far as to find and make reason of even some of the most obscure and serious occult books. I am a Seeker above all else, looking for a purpose. Something to make my life worth it.

And why do I have to make it so complex? After all, there are so many people out there with a purpose in life without having to go through such things. I've been myself there once. I looked forward to the same simple things as other people. But I've changed. I don't hold the same values now, I can't find reason in those same things. Except maybe for one which was in fact the indirect reason for me to slowly see things in a new light and change my values. But I've come to understand that door is closed for me. I can't say I've tried many times but every time I tried to get through and into the room to which that door led, the door just slammed itself in my face. Even in the most indifferent and silly way. But I still wish I could go through that door in these few years as I prepare to go out and most likely die a dog's death. A mad hope but is not -all- hope mad? But whatever happens I will accept it. Things cannot be wrong or right for they are just the way they are. That is perhaps one of the most important things a person must learn.

That is all. I feel like a huge part o' me burden is over by realising, writing and posting this is although the original reason for me to come to this huge insight of myself will probably still sting like a bitch for a little longer. I hope that those who read it were enlightened in one way or the other. Be they people who never really stop to think, people who do it all the time or psychology professors who needed a fine specimen such as myself to rant like this for his research. I hope I didn't sound like an emo or an attention whore or something.

/end rant

Quite frankly, I read the whole post and thoroughly enjoyed it. You should most certainly be some form of writer or autobiographer, me thinks.

And well... I hate retards. Not the clinically diagnosed kind. The other kind, the ones that have no excuse.

And I don't know if I want to call "my kind" an amount of people that persist in punishing tax evasion and never even remotely penalised malice and hurtful intentions towards fellow man. And no, "murder" etc is not the only way to read "malice and hurtful intentions". Being a dick, also belongs there.

I also hate liars. And lies. And pretending. And backstabbing. And hypocrites.

And I hate people who just can't be simply -benevolent-, but have to create a shitload of shitmess, creating more problems than they solve, to "make a better tomorrow". You're not making it better, you're fucking it inside out, like a 5 yearold kid pouring alcohol in a lit stove "to clean it up". The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Welcome to my world. The thing is, in my world, I hate the ones without an excuse and, to an extent, the ones with an excuse - and I'm going to say why. Obviously, having Aspergers myself, I'm part of my schools "Special Needs" (oh, how much I hate that phrase...) group. in this group, various people have mental "disabilities" such as various types of Autism. I know two specific people who, despite having their disability, fake it as if they were worse than they actually are! For example, one of these people has something like 2 or 3 forms of Autism at once - So it's hard to really define his behaviour. On the otherhand, there are things they know he can do, but many a time just won't. There's many a time he'd hit people for no reason, just to see whether he can get away with it... Second person, a person with Aspergers (like myself). To try and get better off, this kid more or less copies all the traits of the first kid to try and get out of lessons and be treated as "basic" as this other kid... Then there's me, in pretty much every single lesson, with few added benefits at the moment. Not faking a thing. Admittedly, I won't lie, I've received alot of help from the "Special Needs" Department both now and in the past over various problems, but seeing the ways this second kid tries to cheat the system to get better off by appearing worse off completely sickens me...

I, myself, am a brutally honest person. Pretty much everyone who's met me knows what I'm like for expressing my opinion. I've met (and befriended) liars so, so many times that such a trait completely puts me off from befriending a person. I make arrangements with such a person, plan them out extensively, just to find out that they either don't come without warning or "can't come" at the very last moment because they suddenly remembered "another friend asked me prior to you asking me". Such complete and utter idiots that, overall, waste my time and effort...

As for my thoughts on benevolence, it pretty much ties in with the above "retard" paragraph of mine. I hate those, basically, that seek to cause havok, rebel against authority and similar such nonsense for no reason other than to either boost their ego or because, deep down, they want embrace the beliefs of Discordianism (basically, that means they do it for the sake of spreading/embracing Chaos and discord...). I can't help but wonder "Is there really a point to this...? What do you hope to achieve? even if you rebel against this "Man/Woman", there are still hundreds of thousands more...". I, myself, am benevolent because (believe it or not) I am an incredibly obedient person, I do random acts of kindness (*cough* Obsession with holding doors open for people... *cough*) and, where others may be swearing and showing their unruly side verbally, I would either merely laugh it off or shrug and continue onward - You'll never find me using offensive language directly at someone (The most you'll probably see is me suggesting an insult, for example, instead of "You're fat!", I would say "At least I'm not fat". When the other replies "How dare you call me fat!" etc. I merely say "I did not. I may have implied it, but I did not blatantly say it. I merely stated that I, myself, was not fat. On the otherhand, if you are so quick to attempt to disprove such a comment, would I be right in assuming you view yourself as such?" etc. ).

[Garmegin]

As for my thoughts on benevolence, it pretty much ties in with the above "retard" paragraph of mine. I hate those, basically, that seek to cause havok, rebel against authority and similar such nonsense for no reason other than to either boost their ego or because, deep down, they want embrace the beliefs of Discordianism (basically, that means they do it for the sake of spreading/embracing Chaos and discord...). I can't help but wonder "Is there really a point to this...? What do you hope to achieve? even if you rebel against this "Man/Woman", there are still hundreds of thousands more...".

Thank you for the kind words on me being able to write properly. I'd also like to give attention to this part however. You have COMPLETELY misunderstood Discordianism. Try again.

[Guest]

I hate this country.

The end.

If it's England, I agree - no question (as I do too). If it's some other country, I can't blame you, but I'd stress that it probably isn't as bad as England...

/me, despite realising that England probably has the best chance of getting him a good education, hates the country bitterly and hopes to move to Norway ASAP after finishing school and university.

Greece, lad. Greece.

[Zhakiri]

I hate atheists.

Not decent atheists, that understand things properly and have come to that conclusion.

But the atheists that went to middle school science classes and are all like...'BIGBANGLOLOLOL', or 'EVOLUT1ONFTW:D' whilst they remain 100% ignorant to religion/spirituality.

To avoid confusion...Agnosticism all the way.

[Kil'drakor]

I'm an atheïst. Do elaborate

[Zhakiri]

I'll take it to PMs, to spare the thread such disfigurement...

[Garmegin]

Why not start a religion and spirituality thread? Could be interesting.

[Zhakiri]

I think there is a forum rule against it...:s

[Garmegin]

I think there is a forum rule against it...:s

I shall get back on topic thanks to this as it is most certainly a reason to yell "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

[Zhakiri]

I LIKE NEVER ENDING DEBATES ABOUT RELIGION! FUCCCCCCCKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

...Need I remind everyone how much I love this thread.

[Quin]

I hate the boots so incredibly much.

I'm also sick of diet drinks, holland's political situation oh and before I forget:

Motherfucker.

[Kil'drakor]

On a related note; Spain and the Netherlands got fined for the WC finals. The fines are ridiculously low but it still made the news. Really, it's like taking dimes from a millionaire. Shee-ut, ridiculous.

And Nygarth; PM FASTER!

[Neyvin/Noxie]

I hate the fact I've no control over where my life is going currently. It's been like this since May and will be like this untill October, where I will hopefully get that little ounce of control back to do what I wish. Then again, if the Goverment and my Union decide to not let me go where I want - I'll be back to square one, which I really don't wanna be. So that's my venting, I want to have fucking clearance already and not be stuck doing NOTHING as I've done since May.

[Zhakiri]

And Nygarth; PM FASTER!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAH FUUUUUUU!!!!! FUUUUU!!!! FUUUUU!!! FUUUU!!!!!!!!!

P.s...Going out for a tad o/

[Chase - Esou]

I hate atheists.

Not decent atheists, that understand things properly and have come to that conclusion.

But the atheists that went to middle school science classes and are all like...'BIGBANGLOLOLOL', or 'EVOLUT1ONFTW:D' whilst they remain 100% ignorant to religion/spirituality.

To avoid confusion...Agnosticism all the way.

Couldn't agree more. Especially the internet atheist is probably the crusader with their head stuck up their own ass the furthest.

[Kil'drakor]

Couldn't agree more. Especially the internet atheist is probably the crusader with their head stuck up their own ass the furthest.

Hey...

But I agree. What's worse than a religious person converting people is an atheist converting people. There's a reason so many atheists live in San Francisco!

[Nayan]

The only thing worse than ignorance is half-knowledge.

[Geldar]

The only thing worse than ignorance is half-knowledge.

“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about”

[Garmegin]

Great quotes right there Geldar and Nayan. I can really appreciate them, seeing the only belief I really "bash" is the one that has not been properly rationalised. But such ignorant retards ain't exactly my focus right now, instead I want to QQ moar about another kind of people as QQing here has been pretty relaxing so far. I think something about the kind of people was mentioned somewhere earlier but mine idea is tad different. Lets see if I can make it short or will I have to write my life's history again just to get my point across.

I basically go real mad over the people that don't value relations with others the same way I do. See, I'm really and I mean really picky with which people I give a flying fuck about. And I have a samurai-like code of friendship. I always return favors, always try to treat such people well and all that crap. But it's like the world just don't agree with me. Every time I start giving a flying fuck about someone it's always the same story. We have a damned great time for a while whether it's for a year or a week. Then the person is suddenly just a nightmare to talk to. Like talking to a brick wall. You decide not to bug him/her/it for a while and think him/her/it will call when it feels like talking. But that just never happens. It's damned infuriating. Nobody places the same damned value in relations with people as I do. Or maybe I just ain't charismatic enough, hell if I know. But me feel like a senile turtle on a highway. Anybody else that gets shit like this?

[Guest]

I simply hate hypocrites, pozers and human cattle.

[Gesh]

The only thing worse than ignorance is half-knowledge.

“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about”

...What like " Furrys " " Anime " and " Twi, I hate twilight. "  ?

[Jeanpierre]

I simply hate hypocrites, pozers and human cattle.

And I simply hate white rats!


... well in character anyways.

[Arinith]

I basically go real mad over the people that don't value relations with others the same way I do. See, I'm really and I mean really picky with which people I give a flying fuck about. And I have a samurai-like code of friendship. I always return favors, always try to treat such people well and all that crap. But it's like the world just don't agree with me. Every time I start giving a flying fuck about someone it's always the same story. We have a damned great time for a while whether it's for a year or a week. Then the person is suddenly just a nightmare to talk to. Like talking to a brick wall. You decide not to bug him/her/it for a while and think him/her/it will call when it feels like talking. But that just never happens. It's damned infuriating. Nobody places the same damned value in relations with people as I do. Or maybe I just ain't charismatic enough, hell if I know. But me feel like a senile turtle on a highway. Anybody else that gets shit like this?

All the time. All. The. Time.

And I really get the senile turtle on a highway thing too. Very nice description of how I feel sometimes.

Which nicely ties in to my rant: I know it happened months ago, and at the time she was hurt and crying so I didn't say anything, but what she blurted out was soul-destroying for me and came as a huge nuclear bomb to my brain. I froze up and did my nice-person routine, talking to my friend until she felt better, but now that she does I cannot bring myself to return her phonecalls or even look her in the eye. I'm seriously scared I'll hurt her if I do. It was an incredibly mean thing to say and it changed my entire opinion of her as a friend. I should probably confront her with it... right?

[Garmegin]

All the time. All. The. Time.

And I really get the senile turtle on a highway thing too. Very nice description of how I feel sometimes.

Which nicely ties in to my rant: I know it happened months ago, and at the time she was hurt and crying so I didn't say anything, but what she blurted out was soul-destroying for me and came as a huge nuclear bomb to my brain. I froze up and did my nice-person routine, talking to my friend until she felt better, but now that she does I cannot bring myself to return her phonecalls or even look her in the eye. I'm seriously scared I'll hurt her if I do. It was an incredibly mean thing to say and it changed my entire opinion of her as a friend. I should probably confront her with it... right?

Definitely do confront her with it. Stuff like this ain't over until something like that y'know. Just prepare for a shitstorm, just in case.

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